


The Lannister, The Hand, her Husband and her Lover

by orphan_account



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, I took a lot of liberties, Im just having fun, i know the source material, i know this doesnt actually work, im sorry if someone already used a tittle like this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:44:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tyrion Lannister returns to Kings Landing to investigate the Queens Hand and her family. For reasons. Certainly not personal reasons.'There's a point to all this.' Tyrion insisted.Bronn was skeptical.





	The Lannister, The Hand, her Husband and her Lover

Tyrion was tired and old, and not drunk and he felt like shit. But at least he didn't smell shit! That at least was a victory. As he approached the city that no longer smelt of shit he reminisced about his tenure as Master of Coin, or was he just in charge of the sewers? Had he cleaned up sanitation before or after the Blackwater? He couldn't remember, it'd been too much time and too many casks of wine ago. He remembered that penny thing had pissed off a _lot_  of people.

Kings Landing had actually gone through several reforms in the time since Tyrion had helped instate the new Queen. Reforms that had nothing to do with Tyrion, although he would never admit that. The stench and the security were both lessened both due to the burgeoning economy that had been established by, and here Tyrion very much wanted-no- needed more wine, Petyr Baelish.

The man had somehow weaseled his way into court shortly before Tyrion was set to take leave of his queen to return to his own home at Casterly Rock. He had been even more tired and in more need of wine, (and also women) at that time then now, and he had left his Queen in capable hands that weren't his own. He had been... ‘wrong’ wouldn't be the right word. Just look at King's Landing, look at his Queen. They were both happy, healthy and not on fire and Tyrion still had his head! What more could be asked of a Hand? And it wasn't personal, his dislike of Baelish. So what if the man had framed him for murder? Twice. And it definitely wasn't the beautiful wife he had brought back with him to court either that Tyrion found ofdensive. So what if she'd been Tyrion's wife first, there had been no love lost at that annulment signing. Only love lost when she had been granted her contingency of becoming Hand to the new Queen in exchange for the North's fealty.

If only Sansa hadn't also made Baelish's life part of the surrender of the North! She had laid her new husband's crimes before the Dragon Queen as she laid a gentle hand on her stomach and pleaded for their lives. Her husband's and his childs. Baelish had at least had the good sense to look as guilty as he was. The Queen was in a giddy mood, she'd just accomplished her life goal and had ordered every door in the kingdom painted red, a whim she refused to explain even to her Hand who dealt out the order. This giddy mood proved to bring out the romantic and the mercifulness in her and she had granted Baelish a pardon much to Tyrion's objections. He'd wanted time to talk to Sansa behind closed doors, to figure out how Baelish had trapped her and how to get her out of it. But she had refused him any private audience and made such a spectacle the only option she had now was to be with her husband at court while she waited for Baelish's spawn to germinate.

He'd left for Casterly Rock promptly after his 10th returned note and "leave it" look from Bronn.

He'd enjoyed his home, he really had. He kept his ear to the ground and he lamented the loss of the Spider and his web. But all reports received back were of prosperity. The first baby born in court since the war! A boy, all thanks to Baelish . The first turn of profit! Something to do with exporting hares, all thanks to Baelish. The Hound had come out of the ashes and was dispatched to slay Ser Robert Strong (who they had been keeping in a pit and couldn't seem to kill). And now the North had the capable commander Clegane after the deaths of so many of its men. All thanks to Baelish. Baelish now had the Hand as his wife, two sons and a daughter whose beauty was said to have tripled since the days of Caetlyn and Lyanna Stark.

Tyrion had a rock.

 

A very Big, shiny rock.

 

It was all thanks to Baelish that he was also in the Capitol. He'd heard...rumours.

The legitimacy of the Stark children, heirs to Winterfell once their uncle Brandon passed, was in question and /that/ had finally been enough to peak the interest of a courtier. Tyrion didn't even know who Senor Canal was, except his scapegoat into somehow exposing Baelish for a fraud.

It was nothing personal. Really. Bronn had rolled his eyes on que.  
\--------------------------------------------------------

Tyrion had met with the Queen, had passed several brothels with Bronn as they both sighed wistfully at the memories such establishments afforded and decided that wine would help both their current appetites.

He also heard the Hand and her Commander were out. As was her husband. Out of the city entirely. Which meant his investigation should go unperturbed a bit longer.

It was after partaking in several samplings of wine that Bronn had found the spirit again in the form a lovely young serving wench who found his stories about "that silly war, what with to do with all them Kings" amusing. He too felt the spirit upon exiting the establishment and falling into the green eyes of a lithe young redhead.

She looked nothing like the typical King's Landing girl about town. Except for the gauzy hand maiden style dress Shae used to breeze past him in... except he'd noticed the colors of today were much more striking. No more shy pale purples and pinks. No, today's modern girl was clad in Dornish reds and Winter Rose blues, and Coppers, Stags and Dragons sparkling left and right. And then he saw her, since she'd been placed so perfectly in front of him like a pawn in cavasse. All in black, all freckled shoulders and nose and red curls and gauzy /dark/ black and green cats eyes laughing at him.

Laughing at him and how old he was, and how he just couldn't be bothered to pretend he wasn't entirely enticed by her haughty look and her lazy stretch against the wall and of her smile. A smile that seemed oddly familiar and wasn't trustworthy at all. The smile a predator gave its prey. It was a smile he wanted to punch for being so smug and knowing she'd gotten his attention.

'Hallo there.'

'Hello miss. How are you faring today?' He was at least making an effort to try and stroll past her. The effort hadn't actually reached his legs yet.

Another stretch off the wall and towards him. She was younger than Marcella by a good 15 years.

'You're Tyrion Lannister. Me mum used to know you.'

'Oh yes, well, I used to be acquainted with any number of fine young ladies-'

'She weren't no acquaintance, she knew you quite well. Very... intimately.'

Tyrion found himself attempting to image a color palette of greens and comparing the shade of this wisp of smokes to his relatives.

'I see, well as I was saying, I’ve shared the company of many a fine young lady, it is true-'

'Not that intimately. Or at least that's what she tells da.'

Tyrion deflated into his the calm buzz of wine he'd consumed, dropped any pretense and finally put the hand to his heart to let it perform its function of checking to see if its charge had left its cage.

'Thank the gods.'

A bark of laughter escaped the wisp making his heart shush so he could process the ugly sound coming out of such a beautiful creature.

She had not even the decency to blush.

But she did squint when a flash of light suddenly hit her face. She then pulled out of her bodice a yellow gold chain which hung a large elaborate smooth metal disc framed in yellow gold and black shiny stones. She found the light outside the shade they'd been standing in and reflected light back from the direction it had come from behind him.

Without storing away her pendant, that must weigh the same as a large manse in worth, she winked at him and walked off toward the source of loud light.

'I have to go Tyrion Lannister. But i'll tell ma you says hi.'

'Please, don't.' Hoping she knew he meant the mention and not the mercy of leaving him alone.

He was awarded with another bark of laughter as she sauntered towards her light. He turned around and went back into the comforting arms of the Dornishman's wife.  
\---------------------------------------

'Where have you been Catarina?' The voice sounded bored and ever so slightly nasal, but very sure of its authority to question the little girl in front of him. He handed a heavy ledger over to one of his more trusted girls and continued to stand behind his desk opening the one that had been underneath the accomplished one.

There was a heavy sigh that perfectly accentuated the heavy flop onto an incredibly heavily feathered couch.

'As pretty as you are, Catarina, you have the manners of mothers dog. Now, how are we ever going to find you a husband with that pedigree? Hmm?'

'Father promised me I didn't have to get married, and the commander agreed. And don’t call him dog. I'll take over this place after you bugger off to Braavos or wherever.'

'Tsk tsk, such language Catarina.' He smiled the same knowing smile his mother insisted he shared with his father, only his smile reached his eyes. Unlike his father's.

'Don't call me that.'

'It's your name, mother and father gave it to you.'

'Mother and Father give me a lot of things, doesn't mean I have to keep all of them. Besides, mother named you after a hunk of metal, so I sincerely don't trust her judgment sometimes.'

''Sterling' is a perfectly acceptable name.'

'If you're trying to get Father's attention it is.'

'Yes, well I think that rather was her point, wasn't it?' He sighed and finally sat down to look at his sister in all her petulant glory. She was indeed pouting and playing with the disc the commander had made for her. Their father wasn't the only one who liked shiny things.

The young man behind the desk was past his adolescence but no where near as old as his sigh would suggest. Now that his youth had left his features he had to admit his mother had always been right, he did look exceptionally like his father. Slim build, although he was taller and slightly broader, his uncles doing, made him a man of healthy proportions. He also had his grandfather's silver grey eyes that his mother said always seemed to shine more under his smile, hence his name. It was also the only resemblance he shared with his brother, and he held that dear to him. He smiled at the thought of their middle sibling.

'Well at last neither of our names are as bad as 'Tytos'.'

Brother and sister shared a hearty laugh at the tired joke.

A joke that summoned the titan himself.

'Must you? Really?'

Sterling looked up sharply from his sister and heard her let out a shriek of glee as she pushed past the girl draped over Tytos arm, who was trying to undo his light armor, to ensnare him in a hug. He was very careful not to drop his wolfhounds helm in the attack. A proper soldier, their brother was.

'Tytos! I didn't know you were coming back so early, where's mother?'

'Back at the keep with the commander, wanted to talk about some city watch thing.'

His brothers goofy smile beamed at him as Sterling approached and embraced his younger brother. His very tall, very large, and very ginger brother.

''Talk about the city watch’, again, hmmm just like every other night for the last ten odd years...'

'Thats enough Cat.' Sterling and Cat might have had their suspicions about the familiarity of their mother and her commander, but Tytos remained blissfully unaware. And for everyone's sake, Sterling intended to keep it that way. Tytos was the only one allowed to go out with mother anymore on her 'trips for business and defensive strategy' and Sterling wanted his mother well protected.

'Cat, you got my signal!' Tytos voice reverberated around the room as he smiled down at his sister clinging to his arm.

'That was you? I've thought it was Sterling this whole time!'

"I was wondering why you were volunteering to subject yourself to a lecture. She's been out again, just look at her dress.' He gestured at his sister with a nod and walked back over to his desk as Tytos gallantly escorted their sister back to the overstuffed couch.

'Cat, really, Sterling is right, you need to be careful. And what would mother say.'

'Mother doesn't get to talk, she wears black all the time.'

'Cat that's not-'

'Hush, tell me about Walltown!'

Walltown was just as it sounded, literally a town attached to the city's wall that had grown quiet popular in recent years. Much of the inner city hadn't been built back up since the war and had instead been left open to clear the clogged veins of the city. Walltown had been a natural result. Mother had gone on an inspection of it and had needed her two most capable men as protection. Her commander and her second son.

The three enjoyed tales of their mother and her commanders antics with the locals of Walltown as several of the girls of the establishment filtered in and out to interrupt with a note for their proprietor, a glance at the 'Wolfhound of Winterfell', or to pass a piece of gossip to Cat.

One note never got to Sterling despite the girl's best efforts as the siblings revelry was interrupted by the flourish of an ‘ever more elaborate than when he'd left’ cape. Petyr Baelish always appreciated a dramatic entrance. And since coming to King's Landing, dramatically long absences from the city to trips far out across the Dragon Queen's lands.

'Father!' Cat bounded up to the man and bent down slightly to give him a kiss on the cheek.

Once satisfied he looked at his eldest son disapprovingly.

'Why is she in here? I thought we'd agreed you were to guide your sister out of this establishment?'

'Oh! Don't be cross with Sterling, it was only for a moment to greet Tytos and then we just got carried away catching up! We were just off to go see mother!' She flashed her most winning smile.

'Ser.' Tytos stood and saluted out of respect for the older man.

Baelish ignored his middle son entirely and addressed his eldest.

'Your mother is back, already?'

'It would appear so.' Not even a nod at Tytos from the man. They may all know where the northern like coldness came from, but the boy wasn't any the wiser.

'Cat why don't you escort an old man back to the keep and we'll go greet her?' Even his smile at his favorite pet didn't reach his eyes.

'Lets! Tytos, i'll want to see you tomorrow, so you can take me fishing as you promised.'

Tytos grim expression melted away in an instant at his sister's enthusiasm and he gave her a hearty salute farewell as she ushered their father out.

Sterling did his own sigh and flop into his chair.

'The nerve sometimes on that man, i'm sorry Tytos, you don't deserve that.'

Tytos had deflated again and sunk back onto the couch head hung and his hands in his lap the wolfhounds helm sitting sentry next to him. Sterling may have been the weaker physically but he was still very much the eldest brother.

'He doesn't mean anything by it, I mislead Cat when I should have known better..'

'He bloody well did mean something by it.' He slammed his latest ledger shut which seemed to summon at least 3 different beautiful half naked women into the solar. One to whisk away the ledger and two to whisk away the young soldier whose large toothed smile had returned at his brothers outrage for him. And of course for the very lovely girls wanting to soothe him.

'I'm heading out to try and beat them, there's no way Cat and Father don't go through less than 10 shops on the way there between them.' His Brother snickered his peculiar high pitched giggle at that.

'I'll meet you there later, for dinner, I have fresh Walltown gossip for Alice and Bess here.'

The girls giggled as they knew he would hold true on that promise.

Sterling smiled as he went out the window and on his way over the rooftops to reach the keep just in time to practically land on Tyrion Lannister as he dropped down from his last veranda.


End file.
